perseverance
According to Oxford Languages, perseverance is persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
I was going to write an article on how to navigate the business while your country is at war, but let’s be honest, my navigating consisted of going on antidepressants, getting physically closer to the family that was accessible, and not working at all, which is 100% a privilege that not everyone can afford.
How to navigate living during the war? How to deal with survivor’s guilt? What to do when your country is at war? Support groups for people with families near the war zone? These are some of the questions I googled in an attempt to figure out what to do during the past few months.
As many of you know I’ve been taking time off since around May and suspended most of All SHE Makes operations due to the fact that I was not able to function any longer. The grief of the war and then the guilt of surviving was weighing me down to the point that I didn’t even have the capacity to pass my responsibilities onto anyone.
I mentioned that some things would still continue to happen, like the monthly career article (which Alicia has been writing but I have not been publishing), and I could not deliver.
I spent the last 3 months moving countries (again) and giving myself as many breaks as possible. Wednesdays are my grief days, where I spend time thinking about home, my family in Ukraine, the uncertainties, guilt from having the opportunity to start over, fear of not being able to deliver new promises, or guilt from the possibility of having to take time off again. I’m afraid of not being perfect or not having my sh** together.
I miss showcasing and publishing your beautiful work. Simultaneously, I am afraid I won’t be able to deliver a consistent presence and that it will be perceived as unreliable, which is hard to deal with when an entire publication and organization depends on me, this single person, whose home happens to be in the middle of the war.
Luckily, most of you have been super supportive and understanding.
I logged onto this website for the first time in many months. I feel a bit sad because the war forced me to stay away from what I enjoyed the most. But I also feel hopeful because of what’s to come.
I am SLOWLY trying to work again. Not making any promises, not holding myself to a specific standard of work. I learned to manage myself in this state for now. If I learned anything over the past few months it’s that working the way I used to was actually unsustainable for the mental health of a person who was going through literally the worst case scenario. I am reworking my responsibilities at All SHE Makes to make it the job I once loved and taking our little organization back to doing what we do best - shining light on amazing women artists.
If you could do one favor for me, would you please answer this 1 question survey and help us understand what you want to see from All SHE Makes?
